What a week!!!!

Well the title sort of says it all as this whole week was basically rushing to finish up our assignment which is to prepare a business proposal in a week's time!!!!!  We started having discussion on Monday and Tuesday and start to do the work on Wed but during Thur morning around 2am I was told that there might be changes in our proposal and there we go. Start from stratch all over again on Thur with a new concept. Stayed in WL's room til it was dinner time and after dinner was back to work again. I went home at 1130pm and was to continue with our work til 630am only did I went to bed. As for my dear other group members were only done at 730am. Poor chaps.....what would I do without them...hehe....I'm so lucky to have them...blessed....

When most people are busy, their mind will surely won't be thinking of anything else but to finish up their work. As for me, I dunno why, was thinking of him more than ever. Weird I know. Kinda miss him pretty badly this week and not sure why. Perhaps its cause his birthday was drawing nearer. So through out the week was pretty emo for me as well. Tiring was a sure thing due to lack of sleep which causes pain all over the body plus being emo just makes me get fed up even more easily. *sigh*

Thou we have summit our assignment on Friday we still need to get ready for our presentation on Wednesday and also RCS test on the coming week and the week after is SM test and SFM assignment to hand in. Gosh.....so much to do yet so little time. *sigh* Have to cross my fingers and stay strong no matter what. I can't afford to loose it right now as much as I want to. I can't fall sick.....I can't keep on thinking of him.....I hate myself for being like this. I really dislike the me right now. This song really suits me alot. Just the typical me. Dam it.

Title : Had It All
Singer : Katharine McPhee
Lyrics : -

Why'd I have to go and be a fool again
Why'd I have to go and make a big thing outta nothing
I didn't know what I had
'Til you were gone
It was right in front of me
All along
And now those days, of same old story
Are feelin' more like faded glory

[Chorus:]
I had it all
I threw it all aside
Thinkin' there was more there I needed to find
I had it all baby
'Til you went away
Blue skies, sunshine and butterflies
Those were the conditions that I left behind
Why did I let it go to waste
I had it all

So where are all the fireworks I thought I'd see
I still haven't found the magic I was lookin' for that made me leave
Oh, no
I traded in my comfort zone
For empty nights of bein' alone

[Chorus:]
I had it all
I threw it all aside
Thinkin' there was more there I needed to find
I had it all baby
'Til you went away
Blue skies, sunshine and butterflies
Those were the conditions that I left behind
Why did I let it go to waste

Why did I believe that a little voice
That led me down the path to this bad choice
Why don't I listen to the angels
When they sing, oh yeah, they sing
Oh yeah oh

[Chorus:]
I had it all
I threw it all aside
Thinkin' there was more there I needed to find
I had it all baby
'Til you went away
Blue skies, sunshine and butterflies
Those were the conditions that I left behind
Why did I let it go to waste
I had it all
Why did I let it go to waste
I had it all

Why'd I have to go and be a fool again

Never Ever by All Saints

The past few days I keep on hearing this old song on the radio and it makes me think again and again. Lyrics are as below:-

A few questions that I need to know
how you could ever hurt me so
I need to know what I've done wrong
and how long it's been going on
Was it that I never paid enough attention?
Or did I not give enough affection?
Not only will your answers keep me sane
but I'll know never to make the same mistake again
You can tell me to my face or even on the phone
You can write it in a letter, either way, I have to know
Did I never treat you right?
Did I always start the fight?
Either way, I'm going out of my mind
all the answers to my questions
I have to find

My head's spinning
Boy, I'm in a daze
I feel isolated
Don't wanna communicate

I'll take a shower, I will scour
I will rub
To find peace of mind
The happy mind I once owned, yeah

Flexing vocabulary runs right through me
The alphabet runs right from A to Zed
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find

I'm not crazy
I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong, no
I'm just waiting
'Cause I heard that this feeling
won't last that long

Never ever have I ever felt so low
When you gonna take me out of this black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad

Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've Never ever had my conscience to fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right

I'll keep searching
Deep within my soul
For all the answers
Don't wanna hurt no more

I need peace, got to feel at ease
Need to be.
Free from pain - going insane
My heart aches, yeah

Sometimes vocabulary runs through my head
The alphabet runs right from A to Zed
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find

I'm not crazy,
I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong
I'm just waiting
'Cause I heard that this feeling won't last that long

Never ever have I ever felt so low
When ya gonna take me out of this black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad

Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've Never ever had my conscience to fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right x4

You can tell me to my face,
You can tell me on the phone,
Uh, You can write it in a letter, babe
'Cause I really need to know

You can write it in a letter, babe
You can write it in a letter, babe

End of October

Oh well....October is coming to an end and November is entering with much to anticipate or perhaps not? Well I used to be agitated when thinking about November as there was something that I am looking forward to. But now......as much as I want to look forward to it, it might not be any use anymore. As much as I want to continue to stay in this dream or fantasy of mine, reality just has a way of finding us. I must remind myself from time to time to wake up from this dream as he doesn't heart me anymore. Why must I still bother? Its not my business anymore. People don't want you to care or bother anymore...do you not see it? Have to get that into that thick skull of mine *sigh*

Although some dreams may be shattered, others might not. Looking forward to meet up with my cousin, watch movies with the girls or even shopping when the sales begin as I've not buy anything yet for Chinese New Year. (>.<) Yet with so many assignments piling up like nobody's business which I've not started any.....so dead....which makes me wonder how will I find time for this month's entertainment *sobs* Am looking forward to 3 movies, 2012, Twilight New Moon and Ninja Assassin. Anybody wants to watch it with me?

P.S. I just hope that I can look forward to it at least just once *sigh*

P.P.S The new playlist consists of 11 new latest hits. Enjoy =)

I'm back =)

Ah well I was away for a week. Well.....was not literally away for a holiday thou I like to think of it that way, but was just away from using the Internet for a week. Its not really that tough when you're busy with the many other things to do. So time just slip away very quickly. However, it was a little inconvenience when not being able to use the Internet as and when I want. Being away for 1 week I guess nobody even notice. Oh well, that happens when you're a nobody. People don't bother nor care as I am probably invisible to most people. I guess even when I die nobody would realise until few years later?

Once enter FB today, I saw something that I did not want to see. As much as its rather hurtful, I guess I can't run away from it. The harder I try to run away from it the more things pop up for me to see as time passes by.

Talking about this relationship thing, the though of a friend comes to my mind. A guy friend of mine who has a heart of GOLD. Why would I say that? Well he IS really the nicest guy on Earth I've met so far and he loves his gf very much but she....well I don't really know her that well....all I see is she doesn't really appreciate him much. She never really care what he thinks, what he wants nor what he does. Although she do seem rather caring at times but normally he is just her punching bag. He also often put others before himself. He do think of others who needed help wherever and whenever. Being caring, loving and such a nice guy, people like this are hard to find nowadays especially a bf like this. I just hope his gf will treat him better as he really do not deserve to be treated like that.

Sometimes I really wonder why are the nicest person on Earth being treated like that? The two of them have been together for awhile now.....I'll just pray that their relationship will grow and last for a life time and may there be many more happiness to come.

Well I should just end today's entry here with a song by N Sync.
Title : Tearin' Up My Heart

Chorus
Its tearin up my heart when I'm with you
And when we are apart I feel it too
And no matter what I do I feel the pain
With or without you

Hey

Baby, I don't understand
Just why we can't be lovers
Things are getting out of hand
Tryin to much, but baby we can win
Let it go, if you want me girl let me know
I am down, on my knees
I can't take it anymore

Chorus

Hooooooh, all right

Baby don't misunderstand, (don't misunderstand)
What I'm trying to tell ya
In the corner of my mind, (corner of my mind)
Baby it feels like were running out of time
Let it go (go) if you want me girl let me know
I am down on my knees, I cant take it anymore ohhhhh..

Chorus

Tearin up my heart and soul, when were apart I feel it too
And no matter what I do I'll feel the pain with or without you

Tearin up my heart and soul when were apart I feel it too
And no matter what I do I'll feel the pain with or without you

Chorus 2x

And no matter what I do I feel the pain with or with out you

I don't know what to think anymore

Here I am, thinking that I would brave myself to take those little steps.
To pick up the pieces of my life.
To try to move forward but all of a sudden I got hit and fall off again.
Why oh why dear God must I be treated this way?

A friend of ours (Friend A) who suddenly bug me yesterday and started talking so much about him. I though I could just pretend as usual like nothing was wrong while we were chatting until he knows about it on his own. Little did I know when he was asking more and more I couldn't take it anymore. I went to ask another friend, Friend B, to tell Friend A what has actually happened so that Friend A can stop asking me so much.

Its just too much pain I'm going through right now. Isn't it bad enough that I'm already not feeling well and You bring me more surprises. Pushing me into the darker side. Despite all the pain whether its body, eyes, nose or whatever that is, nothing beats the pain of being stabbed by a knife in the heart all over again. NOTHING!!!!!!!!!

Why don't You just take me away with You? I'm feeling so sick of all the things that I'm going through now and I think I can just loose my mind soon. I will eventually fall back into depression from all this HAVOC!!!!!! I can't take this pain anymore. I'm really tired from all of this. Too tired to think, too tired to eat, too tired to do anything anymore. I've got no more strength to fight and carry on. I just feel like dying right now. Will You just take me away with You?